Dealing with conflict

Dealing with conflict and the compass of shame

Discuss a time you had an emotional conflict with someone. What was it about? What happened?

I try not to have emotional conflicts with anyone. However, as the former owner of a small business, I've had to become very good at dealing with conflict. When you manage or own a small business, it often feels that you are being pulled in every direction at once.

I have always been very good at keeping my own emotions out of any conflict. If someone comes to me with a conflict, I listen to them and let them vent their frustrations. I then try to calm them down by showing empathy and offering a solution that will end the conflict. In terms of customer service and employee relations, I had a very good track record of dealing with conflict.

I remember a specific customer that ordered from my store when I was an assistant manager. This customer was irate that her food had not been cooked properly. She called and asked to speak with the manager on duty.

What was the source of the conflict?

The customer had asked for her food cooked in a very specific manor that was not our normal operating procedure. We did our best to accomodate such requests, but there was simply no way to ensure that such an order was made to perfection unless the manager on duty just happened to make it themselves.

How did you handle that conflict?

I first let the customer vent and listened as she berated me and lectured me about the importance of cooking food correctly. Keeping my emotions aside was difficult as she often attacked me personally in her diatribe. I listened without response for a few minutes. When she finished, I attempted to sympathize with her.

I said "I am very sorry that we did not meet your expectations Mrs. Loftus."

At this point, I was subjected to a new lecture and again berated and called ignorant. Apparently the only correct way to address this customer was "Mizz Loftus." Again, I had to be very careful to remove my emotion from the situation. My character was attacked relentlessly, while at the same time, my store was about to run out of control because I was tied up on the phone and could not make necessary decisions. Meanwhile I was schooled on the teachings of Emily Post (I'm not making this up, she actually quoted Emily Post).

At this point, I appologized profusely for addressing her in an inapropriate manor. I also sympathized with her for the "incorrect" food order she had recieved. I offered to re-make the order myself immediately and refund her money. I also agreed to add provisions to make sure that her order would never be made wrong again.

Did your actions make the conflict better or worse?

The customer was very surprised that I had not argued with her in any way, and she was very happy that I had offered a solution as well as a free meal cooked to order.

I later found out that this customer was a nightmare for all of my local competitors. They all had stories about the same woman. In the end, she ordered only from my store because of the way I had handeled the situation that day. She still called with complaints on a regular basis, but she remained a loyal customer the entire 3 years that I managed the store. She never ordered from our competitors again. After that initial complaint, her demeanor changed when she complained to me and she never made a personal attack on my character again.

I think it is clear that my actions made the conflict better.

If you could go back, what would you do differently, if anything?

I don't think there could be a better way to deal with the situation. I would not change anything about the way I dealt with it.

What did you learn from this experience?

I learned that no matter how entrenched a person is in their argument, there is always a common ground and, if you reach it, you can resolve the conflict.

 

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